January 16th, 2008, 09:50 PM
The Curse of Swearing
Yes I am blighted by this terrible feckin' affliction...just like Mrs Doyle said it's wall to wall bastards. As a sailor I used to be much worse, every other word was a bad one. It got so bad it was really hard to talk without slipping in the odd feck or bollocks. I noted with interest that they addressed this affliction in the movie Hamburger Hill, so eloquently put into context by Courtney B. Vance's character Doc Johnson during a "what will you do back in the world" scene. A lot of peeps are completely unaware that swear words exist and a lot are unaware that they have, like all words, interesting origins. It's amazing what bollocks you can find on the internet. Here is my top 10 of swear words and their origins.1) BLOODY...a typical sentence containing one of THE most widely used British swear words, might go something like this."Bloody hell look at the size of the kipper on that!"The word bloody is a corruption of "By your lady" used by religious folk during, quite appropriately, the dark ages.2) ...., ....D, ARSING...there are many ways of slipping .... into a sentence, for example"You complete ...."....."Yer know what, I can't be ....d"....."Oi bollocks, stop arsing around"The word .... is, basically, your bum, butt, buttocks, rear end. Depends on what context you use it. The above senetences from left to right could be re-written as"You idiot"...."I can't be bothered"......"Stop fooling around".You see how the word .... really livens up those sentences?3) BOLLOCKS, BOLLOXED, BOLLOCKING"I don't give a bollocks mate"....."I really bolloxed that up didn't I?"......"He was really ....ed off, I got a right bollocking"Its origins are nautical. See I told you sailors have filthy mouths! The bollock is a pulley on the topmast but we think of them as testicles. I imagine back in the old days when ships were made of wood a typical conversation in the rigging may have gone liike this."Make sure you tie that knot right me hearty or we'll get a bollocking off the first mate"4) COCK UPThis really isn't a bad swear word but Americans probably turn white at the mere thought of hearing it used in a sentence."This whole business in Iraq is a total cock up!"The word cock in this case doesn't actually refer to the penis, it actually comes from the Beer Brewing industry. When beer was deemed sour the barrel was turned upside down so it could be drained out through the cock. I imagine this happens a lot at the Budweiser brewery. The cock was basically a tap.So to cock up is to basically bollocks something or mess it up. Savvy?5) FANNY"Stop being a fanny"...."When you've finished fannying around go to the shop and get me 20 Silk Cut"In America a fanny is yer ass, bum or buttocks. In Britain, it's a vagina. So for all you americans who have experienced being laughed at in Britain when you say "Pass me my fanny bag" you now know why!6) C-WORDMy mum will kill me if I write too much but the word was probably derived from the German word for prostitute Kotze or the middle dutch word Kuntze. During the middle ages both Oxford and London had red light districts called Grope....e Lane. Imagine that coming up on your pager!MEGA ALERT - OXON: 2 GREAT TITS FREQUENTING GROPE....E LANE!Sorry Mum!7) TWAT"Yer daft twat"Derived from the old norse word for cut or slit. In Britian we often use it in place of idiot but the Norse folks clearly didn't mean it like that. It was often used in poetry and Robert Browning mistakenly thought it was part of a nun's dress...the wimple! It is clear from his poem he really didn't understand its true meaning!They talked of his having a Cardinal's Hat, They'd send him as soon an Old Nun's Twat.8) WANKER"THE REFEREE'S A WANKER"Wanking is basically masturbating. It's widely used and isn't that offensive so don't worry about using it.9) ...., SHAT, ....EOne of the most commonly used swear words in Northern England."Everton are total ....e"......"I can't believe I drove 12 hours to see that ....e"....."Bollocks, that Herring Gull just shat all over me car"I am sure you all know it is another word for excrement.10) ...., ....ING, ....EDMany uses for this commonly used swear word. It is, of course, a derivation of the latin (....are) and french (....er) words used to describe the sound of urination. "You can .... off mate"......."Stop ....ing about"......"I'm gonna get totally ....ed tonight"In Britain it really depends what context you use the word in. Using the above examples I can point you in the right direction. From left to right.."Go away"......."Stop fooling around"......."I'm going down the pub to get drunk"In America, getting ....ed means you are angry. In England getting angry is usually describe as getting .....ed off.So there you have it a quick lesson in British swearing. Practice the following conversation and you'll soon get the hang of it."Oh feck, a Cerulean Warbler just mega'd in Oxford""Yer pullin' me bollocks aren't yer?""No, I'm bloody not, it says it's mixed in with a flock of Great Tits on Grope....e Lane""Stop ....ing about""I'm not, look for yer bloody self yer stupid twat""Some wanker probably cocked it up, or somebody is arsing about""Well I'm going for it, I don't give a ....e what you do"